These dead letters remember me kindly.
wonder at
the extent
of infinity
the ludicrous
notion
of that
no beginning
no end
wonder at
how to
wonder
at
the extent
of infinity
vastness
emptiness
one
same
wonder at
why you
wonder
at
the extent
of infinity
now
because
she speaks
incessantly
distracts
jars my ears
scrambles my thoughts
no longer able
to wonder at
wondering at
the extent
of infinity
she tells you
she tells you
“write”
you put the pen
to paper
the words flow
meander endlessly
as your mind
it wanders
it wanders
on
and
on.
will they tell tales of us when i am gone? when you go? will the light ever guide you home? holi for me is every season every second moment… i wonder skeptic that i am in every way. i always fancied myself a realist stuck on reality and dreams that just were.
you give me hope inspiration. you always have wherever you go.
in the darkest night so long ago
i
someday maybe i can explain my side of things
even if you don’t remember or don’t want to hear it.
will they tell of us?
i wait wherever i am wherever i go
i look over love
i always have
you are my one and only
i often wondered what it meant that you were born before me and i came later… did that mean you had someone else?
you are the man with blue eyes though i don’t remember their color anymore
my grey eyes
my storm
my
mine
and i don’t know what to do
if you leave if you never were mine
i
just know
the stars were not working right
i suppose
to me
they’ll guide me to you
anyway
in our own way
love
i don’t know what it means to not be chosen first
but yeah i know i’m lying
it’s just
how do i explain how much this difference hurts
how far will it take me from you?
no matter where or how far
i will always search for you
find you
and yours
and i will never demand for anyone to keep you safe
because that’s who i am
that’s what i do
in my own way
i try
i’m manifold
like everyone else
i’m kind
and i’m mean
i have had many names
many
but look
i don’t care if i am considered joseph to your mary
or joe the liar to your you
i know and have always known
quietly
silently
sadly
that i am nothing
other than me
i am agnes
just agnes (don’t worry it won’t always hurt will it?) my heart love
it beats for you alone
ALWAYS.
She picks up
Scattered petals
From wilted roses.
She treads water
Hair soaked through
Wonders at her curse.
Looks at the twisted branches
Overhead.
Treads water.
They say she found
Her love in the depths.
He was face down
Body covered.
Yet still
She knew him.
They say he waited
For her
Until he could
No more.
She found his heart
In those petals
And
She dropped it into the river.
the dead lift up
swing by
back again
you hear their voices
in the wind
they call
the crows
to lift
spread wings
come find me
dance
swing down
drown out sorrow
sing
dance
jerk
back
fall forward
to a different point
no longer darkness
it is strange to look
forward
and see light
blinding light
not pitch black
just light
and know that you do not know
but that there is
someone there
and that
you love them
and they love you.
Agnes S Kamalnath 