These dead letters remember me kindly.
he says
he is scared
he might get lost
lost and unable
to find me
i smile
tell him
not to worry
that i will come
save him; find him
if it happens
he kisses like
like he is untried
but his hands
his hands
tell a different story
i ask him
i ask him
he moves
he moves
but does not bend
i kiss him first
he kisses me
back more than
a hundred times
holds me
cuddles with me
when i go to get
my shoes
he wakes up
begs me, stay,
as i leave.
to swallow
the sap
or
to cover
smear
across lips
allow myself
to be defaced
or drink
him in in
when i want
it out
want him gone
devastation
he takes the choice away
does both.
left
left
left
wondering
call me strong
call me brave
i remember times
when i was
was
was
yet
and the roar
of the ocean tide
breaks
feels more
sounds more
like a murmur
the chain
in my hand
long enough
to be a necklace
let the rust
set in.
and so the humanoid whale leaps out of the water
a mirror of what happened eons ago
but this time
the gills stay
the beach sets in
and the oxygen
the air
suffocates.
i dig
deep
deliver
lines
words unspoken
words written
placed in cardboard
boxes
left in the basement
for the dust
to settle.
mother watered the flowers plants herbs. coaxed me into the garden more often than not. i would bring books paper or both and sit silently as she worked. mother gone away. the flowers cry out for her rain.
drinking coffee she dreams of someone she dreams of love she dreams of a cherub yet to be born her canal untried in this way she dreams of a man more often than not who will willingly hold her through the night and clutching her hips whisper hoarsely or not ‘little wife’ and mean it.
hold your hands out
dream of desolation
nightmares fought with and against
move your body in
a circle
scream without a
sound
cry without tears
fear
they will never let
go
and they will let
go.
dance around
the room
light piercing through
windows no shade
the sun overtaking
the bed
your little kingdom
where you reign
the little queen
to your quilted castle
‘little wife’
one day
someone will whisper
those words
in your ears
wrap arms
around you
give you comfort
safety
protection
strength
as you give the same
one day
someone will take you
your hand
in the light of day
and you will be
stronger
better
for it.
spin twirl
attempt to emulate
the whirling dervishes
in your dreams
breathe
always
come back up
suffocating
not enough
oxygen
pause stay
still quiet
like a lake
or the wind on certain days
calm
start
anew with silence
collecting
each breath
again.
Agnes S Kamalnath 