I am the monster in the closet with the lights out screaming with its mouth closed and eyes open. You should have named me the same as my box my closet. I know I am nothing no one. It doesn’t hurt anymore maybe it never did. And monsters its like me we don’t go home. Because there is no home to return to… I may be allowed a place to rest but it isn’t home. That is something I was born without. Why did you birth me? I never asked for this. What should they call me when I am dirt dust? That’s easy. I ask to be called Sin. But then it will rain. Sin? More like it. Home… it’s like rain or snow… it’s a fleeting feeling or maybe that’s just my wishful thinking hoping someday someone will think remember me… cry for me sit with me hug me hold me never let me go… instead you told me you hated me worse you were indifferent you laughed in the face of my sorrow. You never noticed anything. By the time you looked over I was broken into a million little pieces if not more and you sneered down at me and called me Liar called me Jealous called me Brute. And somehow all those pieces you could not see never saw they managed to shatter break even more. Splinter me again and again. You don’t see me. You don’t understand. All I want out of life is silence quiet… I dream of birds and their songs. I was Nightingale. I made you tea. I was Sin.
Published by Agnes S Kamalnath
Agnes S Kamalnath was born on August 3rd 1988. For Agnes writing is taxing; it often leaves her feeling drained. Sharing the deepest part of oneself can be painful, but it brings her joy. This act of creation can be a double-edged sword: both destructive and constructive. Her poetry has appeared in the Fall 2013 issue of S/tick, and in the December 2013 issue of Dead Flowers: A Poetry Rag. Agnes studied in the United Kingdom, completing her A-Levels at Mander Portman Woodward and attending university, majoring in Chemistry with Biochemistry at Queen Mary University of London (QMUL). She received a 1st in Heredity & Gene Action. A 1st is the highest mark awarded in the British System. It is rarely awarded. Agnes earned her B.A. in Philosophy from the University of La Verne, which is located in southern California in the United States of America. View all posts by Agnes S Kamalnath