there’s nothing beautiful in trauma. nothing beautiful in surviving it. living past it. living through it. i have run screaming through flashbacks only to come crashing back to reality and have had to force myself to walk those same streets quietly as i am. i’d like to say my ptsd doesn’t own me nor control me… but there are times when i must admit it has consumed me. this is difficult especially for those around me who try to pick up signs that these times might be coming… but to be honest yeah i am quiet and sleepy but i’m also that insomniac rude loudmouth that you see too. that’s just me. the trauma is not. that’s what’s been done to me, what broke me. even though i am broken i will smile and keep on. yeah i’ve had a hard and difficult life. i don’t need to be told that or reminded. i know. but i take comfort in the fact that i am still alive… that i’ve persevered up to this point and will hopefully continue to do so.
Published by Agnes S Kamalnath
Agnes S Kamalnath was born on August 3rd 1988. For Agnes writing is taxing; it often leaves her feeling drained. Sharing the deepest part of oneself can be painful, but it brings her joy. This act of creation can be a double-edged sword: both destructive and constructive. Her poetry has appeared in the Fall 2013 issue of S/tick, and in the December 2013 issue of Dead Flowers: A Poetry Rag. Agnes studied in the United Kingdom, completing her A-Levels at Mander Portman Woodward and attending university, majoring in Chemistry with Biochemistry at Queen Mary University of London (QMUL). She received a 1st in Heredity & Gene Action. A 1st is the highest mark awarded in the British System. It is rarely awarded. Agnes earned her B.A. in Philosophy from the University of La Verne, which is located in southern California in the United States of America. View all posts by Agnes S Kamalnath