who was i? when i was young… aggie?

Mother, I love you. I wish I could believe as you always did in something after something greater. Maybe a thought or concept like that would give me peace. The knowledge that I could see you again.

Instead, silly atheist that I am and always was, can do nothing but look up at the sky see the clouds and the reflection of the ocean as we once did together and wonder.

I ask ‘where’s god?’ as I did always when I was a child. It’s different now though. No one to laugh smile hug silly little me when I ask. No one to tell me that it’s okay if I never understand. To tell me beautiful stories about something I never got.

I’m not a child anymore and I thought I was done with that question.

But now at 29: I’ve taken to looking at the sky as we once did. Wonder at its breadth. How vast it is. How we will never get to speak again meet again.

-Look, mom… The sky is an ocean.

-Oh? What is its name?

-I don’t know… but it is one.

-Do you want to name it?

-No.

-Why not? Why don’t you give it a name?

-Because it already has one, and I don’t want to change it… even if I think it was named wrong.

-That’s my Aggie… Always thinking of others… even the sky.

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