she broke me young

looking out

of it

of body

of mind

you run from

the past

chasing what?

you claim

the past

cannot hold

you.

say you will

find some

way

to break

its hold

on you.

you talk

as if

you can

as if

you can

control

this

the flashbacks

the fear

the panic

even writing

has become

something

a part

from you.

and when

all is gone

turned

to dust

you will

be here

in the dark

alone

wondering

still you

shriek

banshee

that you are.

you will always

or so you fear

and you dream

sometimes

of a smile

of a feeling

you have never

known.

not really

what is happiness?

you want

to ask

but feel

you cannot.

what does it feel like?

you know

even if

you were told

would you

even understand?

you who

were born

without

who lived

without

you have

survived

this long

without

what need

do you have

of it now?

but no

your mind

rebels

today

no

it can be

corny thoughts

that one day

you will

have that

that smile

and it will be

of your own

making.

my mind

you think

may turn

i may be

poison

i may be

sin

but

look

i play

the fool

little it

that i

am

stupid puppet

without

strings

cannot even

be

right

she hated you

looked at you

always

with

cold eyes

broke your dreams

you just wanted

her to love you

her to hug you

kiss you

think of you.

you wanted to be

good.

i can be good

pleading

sobbing

begging

let me come home

only to be told

you had a house

but not that

not a home

and it was cold.

you wrapped

your arms

around yourself

i just want

to be warm.

but you

cannot

tears

running down

your face

you stand

straight

play at being

strong

wonder if

they can see

through

to your true face

to you.

broken

wounded

dead on delivery

it feels like

it is raining

no

they laugh

it’s not

your eyes are

though

what?

you’re crying

more like sobbing

but you

never

made a sound.

maybe

you were born

wrong

maybe

you were born

broken

bruised

beaten down

and the only way

you knew

was

down

you fell

from then to now

maybe falling

is all

you’re good for

like a mole

blind bat

that you are

you huddled

into yourself

it was dark

but you wrote

anyways

kept writing

write

even now

maybe that is

your sickness

you kept on

keep going

no matter what

you fight

you never stop.

and the good woman

looked at you

with betrayed

cold eyes

had always

looked at you

like that

why were you born?

and you would

one day

ask yourself

and wish

you simply

had not

ever been.

she was right

you’ll think

you’ll attempt

for nothingness

first at eight

and hopefully

it’s all done now

it’s over.

it was her mistake

not mine.

she broke me

young

i’m old now

and one day

you’ll see

me

with

that smile

you dreamt of

in the dark

when you were cold

and wanted that

wanted home.

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