let us play poison

and every lily

what?

you are my lily

you will always be my lily

 

and i know what i am

 

a snake

 

but what is a lily

without his poison?

 

and i will protect you

all my life

even after that.

 

i will never give you up.

 

lily

 

how long

till you let me go?

 

let me love

someone other than you

 

but i cannot

 

how many times must i tear out this heart for you?

 

how long

how much

 

and i know no matter how long or how much i bleed

it will never be enough

 

i can never atone for what i have done

 

i can never atone

for trying to get over you.

 

after all

 

you are

ALWAYS.

 

and when that seemed to go

when it seemed to be taken away

 

you come back again

you always do

 

you smile and look at me

with your perfect smile

your smirking face

 

reminding me

of the cosmic joke

of me and you.

 

Lillian

take this heart.

it will be my eternal sacrifice to you

my god.

 

and was that where i went wrong?

 

when we were children and played

boys don’t like flowers and they certainly don’t like being named after them

and i am sorry

but you have always been my lily

 

because i can’t touch anyone

i am poison

but if you already had poison in you

we could stay

we could be

 

and you say no

you don’t want to play

poison

 

and i smile

i laugh

 

and i say i know

it’s not a game

 

and you say

i know

and i don’t want it

 

and i say

too bad

it’s yours

has been

will be

 

ALWAYS.

 

you never forgive forgave me

for that.

 

Lillian

demands a sacrifice

 

he always does

whether he realizes that

or not

 

you tried to rectify

the mistake

you made

when you gave him

that card

 

Liliana of the Veil

 

he didn’t want

it

 

but he also said

no take backs

 

so what

were you

to do?

 

you called him

Lillian

 

but he saw

through

 

he always did

 

heard the words

you did not say

 

that you refused

to utter

 

lest they make

it

more reality

than it should

be

 

he heard

 

lily-of-the-valley

 

and he threw

it

back

 

venom

in his voice

in the sound

in his eyes

in his very

being

clear to the eye

 

 

he never cried

but you always

will imagine

him as the weeping

one

 

though you are

the crying bastard.

 

he imagined

perhaps

wedding bells

in the future

 

but you

saw

it

for what

it

was

 

you saw

the horrid

truth

 

of us.

 

you (me) and lily

 

we could

never

be.

 

we were

made

apart.

 

lily

set up there

somewhere

in clouds

in dreams

 

and i

alone

in the dirt

 

my love

may never die

 

but

 

Liliana demands a sacrifice

 

let this be

my sacrifice

never ending

 

take my heart

let it be

yours

always

 

how long must you have my heart?

 

sometimes

i imagine

 

Liliana whispers

 

ALWAYS.

 

what

do you mean?

 

i

go back

 

so many

times

 

to the attic

in the dark

 

you broke

in

 

said you had

the key.

 

did you?

 

i was

always

subject

to your deceit

 

the knife

you pulled

 

out

 

familiar

too familiar

 

and

you ask

for it

back

 

and

what

was i

to do?

 

you

carved

me

 

and

i

 

i

carved

you

 

into

 

(or

was it

simply

onto?)

 

skin

 

mine seeped

deep

down

 

into

me

 

my soul

 

(if i

have such

a thing)

 

the scars

healed

 

eventually

 

the wounds

never did.

 

lily

may make

the world burn

 

the fire

consumes

consumed me

all my life

 

before

i even was.

 

sometimes

i think

that is my end

 

then i

 

i remember

the knife

 

and i

 

i run back

 

each time

always

 

for you.

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