and it was cold.

and you were cold.

so cold

all your life

you looked

searched

everywhere

and in every
thing

for it

you thought

you found it

so many times

in the feeling

in your first

light

to your last

in the circles

you sat in

the rooms

you laughed in

the corners

you melted in

but you were

always

wrong

circles lost

their silliness

when McCormack

sat us down

spoke

sang to us

that lullaby

to close our eyes

you never did

and it will forever

live with you

the sight

it is your curse

the only lion

in the room

who had yet to learn

to kill

who never could

could only snarl

fight

try to defend hers

family is more

than blood

family is

someone

you choose

no matter what

and it’s

all over

for us

at least

in that way

we are not

children

perhaps

we never were

we played

laughing

running

those streets

playing tag

all over our

concrete

garden

and i

climbed

buildings

like trees

only to be

dragged

down

by the neck

of my hoodie

the only one

who could ever

catch me

Caleb

i feel like

i will chase

after you.

the memory of

it

your hair

your eyes

your puck-esque

personality

and you

laughed

spoke

as you

still do.

we ran

out

split

in all directions

each seeking

adventure

each in our

own way.

my way

led to

unhappiness

so deep

so dark

seems never
ending

we were young

too young

i’ll tell my mother

before she takes ill

before she begins

to drift

fade away

only

to become

but a memory

and she looks

over

with dead eyes

turns back around

combs hair

works

goes on

pauses

remembers

looks over

always the dead eyes

she’ll whisper

in the dead of night

when she thinks you

sleep

i wish i could care

it’s not your fault

and you’ll lie there

in the dark

silently

crying

as you always did

and still do

as you listen

to her sob

purge

her guilt

away

she’ll say you shouldn’t

have tried to save others

it will be too much

you will sit up

and through the tears

trying to

keep your voice steady

will tell her

that you are not

you will never be

sorry

for trying to protect

defend

fight for you

and yours.

and she will leave

but not before

saying

words

you have thought

often

in the dark

when you huddled

into yourself

alone

unwanted

“you are not a child

you never were”

and it was cold.

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